“The more you are willing to accept responsibility for your actions, the more credibility you will have” – Brian Koslow

We’ve all heard it, we’ve all said it, and most of us all believe it. That crazy and sometimes comforting sentence, “Everything happens for a reason”.

Doesn’t it seem like we only say it when something negative happens? When we try to convince ourselves that what has ‘happened’ is ok, because it was supposed to happen and good will come out of it.

Lets look at an example of what I’m talking about. One day you accidentally sleep in and you’re rushing to get ready so you aren’t late for school. You hop in your car, go a little bit faster than normal… and BAM!!!!!! you t-bone another car. Everyone is ok, but your car is a write off and you end up missing an exam and fail that class. Over the next couple days, to make yourself feel better, you utter that comforting sentence in your head “something good will come out of this because everything happens for a reason”…… and then you wait and wait for months and nothing good comes out of that accident. Well maybe this sentence isn’t what it’s made out to be.

I believe that too many people rely on this phrase to comfort themselves when things aren’t going so well. I think that we should re structure it to: Everything Happens Because We Make It Happen. The “reason” why something happens is solely a result of your previous actions. Whether it’s good or bad, you have attracted that outcome into your life.

Just think, maybe you got into that car accident because you were speeding. Maybe you were speeding because you were late for school. Maybe you were late for school because you slept in and maybe you slept in because you were out drinking until 3 am the night before. How people can just brush off a situation like that with a “Everything happens for a reason” is beyond me. Everything happened because your previous actions greatly impacted the outcome.

This brings us to that crazy word: FATE.

If everything happens for a reason, then no matter what we do, fate sets us on a life path that is out of our control. I strongly disagree with this word and hope you do as well. It’s a very lazy word. It’s not fate that people are successful. Nobody is destined for a great future. People choose these paths for themselves and take the necessary steps to get there. Don’t live your life like the flow of water and choose a life living it in the path of least resistance. Swim upstream and if you fail, try again. If you are unhappy with your life, the first step to change it, is to accept that your previous actions brought you to your current situation. You made it happen.

As shocking as it may sound, every single thing that has happened in your life, you have made happen. But then you say, “not true Jay. I know this guy who won the lottery and that’s all luck. How can you say that he made it happen?”. Well, I agree that winning the lottery has a great deal to do with luck. I would put it at 99% luck. “99%?, how can you say its not 100% luck?”. Well, that missing 1% is the biggest factor in winning the lottery…. buying the ticket. Buying a ticket is the only way you can win, and buying a ticket has nothing to do with luck. He made winning the lottery happen.

My hope for this article is that when negativity enters your life, you don’t just brush it off with that scary sentence because you honestly believe it was meant to happen. Take that situation and dissect it. Try and figure out what you did that led you there so you can change it in the future. Even if its a positive outcome, it never hurts to dissect that situation too, so you can figure out how your past actions led you there and continue to practice it.

So everything doesn’t necessarily happen FOR a reason, but everything happens BECAUSE of a reason. I know I’m mainly looking at it in a light when negative situations are brought out but I hope that people stop using it as a comforting tool.