This past Sunday, the second Sunday in May, like the year before and the year before that one, we celebrated Mother’s Day. How did you spend Mother’s day? Did you plan ahead and book brunch reservations way back in February? Send a thoughtful card? Spend a couple minutes thinking about her? Whatever you did I am sure Sunday had you dedicating extra time to mom- or really any mother figure in your life. So happy belated Mother’s Day to all mothers, grandmothers, step mothers, sugar mommas and sexy mommas out there!

Since I have no children and have never owned a pet I really have no clue what it means to be a mother. So instead I compiled a list of the greatest advice from a variety of moms- my mom, my grandma, my friend’s moms, beauty pageant stage moms and even celebrity moms. Some may make you laugh, some may make you cry and others will get you searching for your closest Spanish dictionary. There is something for everyone.

You always become your mother. Get over it. You should be so lucky.

Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get. – Forrest Gump’s Momma

You got on the horse, now ride it. -Mrs. Solano

Apple cider vinegar cures all. – Mrs. Brezak

A little spritz: Put a little dill in everything. Never hurts.

Grow something and eat it. Don’t buy that shit they sell in stores.

They’re starving. Somewhere: Stop throwing out perfectly good food. Expiration dates are suggestions by the irrational.

The night before I got married my mother shared with me the pearls of marital wisdom her own mother bequeathed to her the night before her own wedding: “Az er vil, loz im.” (Translated from the original Yiddish: “If he wants to, let him.”) – Katie Curic

Don’t shop when you’re hungry.

You catch more flies with sugar than vinegar.

Don’t worry about the way you look. Compliment others and they’ll think you look great.

Get a babysitter every day from 4 p.m. to 6 p.m. and have some wine.

When you have a bad day, eat icecream. -Britney Spear’s mom

Stupid is as stupid does. – Forrest Gump’s Momma

The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Even if it thinks it knows better.

Help your child believe in her dreams because it is real and possible. Then, give her wings and let her go. -Dixie Baver

(While in a yoga pose called happy baby) There is no such thing as a happy baby. – Pauline from PYC

Let your child try to go for it. Let her find her own way. She can do it. -Sara St. Onge

Don’t sit on cold cement.

Boil asparagus and drink all the water that is left over. If you do this you will live forever. – Moma

Pick your rose carefully cause you have got to smell it for the rest of your life. – Mrs. Farago

Don’t smoke crack. – the mom from the movie Waterboy

Never look through a lady’s purse.

Don’t go outside with wet hair or else you’ll get sick. Always cover your drink at the bar so no one drugs you. Always put your makeup on, makeup meaning to always smile. – Mrs. Tenace

Don’t have too many friends, just a couple real good ones. – Mrs. DiGiovanni

I believe the choice to become a mother is the choice to become one of the greatest spiritual teachers there is. To create an environment that’s stimulating and nurturing, to pass on a sense of responsibility to another human being, to raise a child who understands that he or she is created from good and is capable of anything I know for sure that few callings are more honorable. To play down mothering as small is to crack the very foundation on which greatness stands. – Oprah


Peace, peace, peace


NEXT WEEK! I am inspired by the ultimate transformer. No it is not an Autobot or a Decepticon, it is …