GO FORK YOURSELF: Fart Hour Body
Between the ages of twelve and fourteen, I was obsessed with Jane Fonda Workout videos. I would put a sign on the basement door that said “Do Not Enter”, hope that all five other family members would see the seriousness in my jagged lettering, and then I would grapevine and box step my way to a better me. Did it work? No. The videos, nor the sign. My self-image remained an unstable mass of jello-y self-consciousness, and my sister (or mother) barged in every time.
Do I regret my relationship with Jane Fonda? Not at all. After Jane Fonda, I had many a torrid affair with other fitness video icons — that Abs of Steel girl, Kathy Smith, back to Jane Fonda with straight hair, Tae Bo master Billy Blanks (my fav), and more recently Tony Horton of P90X — so I’m all about the fitness crazes. There is one out now that I’ve heard about, but I haven’t tried yet. My sister, though, is on week one, and this post is dedicated to her and her life partner as they begin The Four Hour Body. Dun, Dun, Dunnnn.
The Four Hour Body is a book, not a video. The premise is food through fitness, not fitness through spandex. But same idea — it’s all following someone else’s plan to get fit. The Four Hour Body makes lots of claims but one of them is that you can shed fat without working out. I’ve always know that your shape is more food-related than fitness-related, so this is not shocking news, but I did actually watch two burly men at work shed fat like a Catholic girl’s clothes at prom all because of the Four Hour Body book, so I must clarify I am not naysaying anything in this post. I’m simply directing my lovely sister, Toe Jam Monica, to an awesome lentil recipe, lentils being one of the staples of the Four Hour Body diet. Hence the title of this post. If you don’t get it, you don’t get it. You getting me?
This recipe is compliments of one of the not-so-burly-anymore men at my work. He would cook this recipe at least once a week and every time it smelled so good I nearly died of jealousy…until I remembered that I, too, am an amazing cook and my lunch is probably even better smelling. And it always was. His combination of cilantro, all-spice and flaxseed, can’t be messed with though. It’s a gastro symphony.
DAVE’S LENTILS
2 – 3 cups of red lentils (rinsed)
5-8 cups of chicken stock
3 green onions (chopped)
3/4 cilantro (chopped)
4 cloves of garlic (chopped) – add more to taste
1 tomato – slice and divided
2 lbs of steak/beef/chicken (cubed or striped)
2 eggs
1 cup of spinach
2 tbsp of olive oil (divided)
2 cups of mushrooms (any kind will do)
2 tbsp of all-spice
2 tsp jerk seasoning (optional)
2 tbsp of flax seeds (whole)
Cook lentils with chicken stock, but use more broth then as instructed on lentil package. Lentils should be very well covered. Add flax seed to lentils.
Get lentils cooking on burner. Start prepping your chopped foods. When you chop the tomatoes, add half the tomatoes to the lentils. On another burner, heat oil in wok. In a blender, blend spinach with egg. Add egg mixture to wok and scramble. Remove from wok and add another tbsp of oil to wok. Add garlic and onions and saute for a minute. Add the meat and cook until meat seals on all sides. Add all- spice (and jerk seasoning) and stir to coat meat. Then add other half-tomato and cilantro.
As lentils are still simmering on low, add two large handfuls of spinach and cover. Add mushrooms to wok. Add a little bit of water (1/4 cup) cover with a lid and let wok simmer to steam mushrooms.
The last step is to combine everything together in the wok. The lentils should be mushy, but not watery.
You will love this whether your body is four, eight or twenty-four hours. I guarantee it!
WEBSITE
Since this recipe comes from the mid of my friend Dave, I found a good Four Hour Body recipe site for my sister. The Four Hour Body couple is just that — a couple who are doing The Four Hour Body together — like my sister and her life partner, Jordon. Perfect! The easiest meals on this program seem to be the simple ones, so what I like about this site is most of their recipes are just pairings of food and they have pictures of all their plates — thing like two eggs, two slices of ham, white beans with spinach and salsa on top. So simple, but sometimes we forget the salsa. Or black beans, cottage cheese, and turkey. Oh yeah, I love cottage cheese!