Every grandma has some crazy home remedy brought over from the motherland. Mine is no exception. She drinks asparagus water with fennel seeds to keep her skin fresh. She soaks her hands and feet in olive oil to keep them moisturized. She advises me to put hot garlic on my pimples, yogurt on sunburns and to take a shot of brandy with her after every meal to foster better digestion. As crazy as they sound- they all actually work. Look at her if you don’t believe me. This is my grandma looking hot. GO MOMA!!!

Here are more of Moma’s Beauty tips that are fool proof

For fuller lips speak the truth

For a slimmer waste share your food and wealth

For wrinkle free skin be at peace

For bright eyes see the beauty around you

For a whiter smile laugh

For stronger bones don’t carry big loads

I could go on and on. This all comes from a woman who has survived a world war, moved to a new country pregnant with nowhere to go and she still has such a positive zest for life. What is wrong with the world today that some of us can’t even follow moma’s fool proof rules? Am I just ignorantly positive? I mean the world didn’t end on May 21st.

The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem. -Rubin

It feels good to have a problem. That rush of emotion that we get when we fight with our significant other really gets the heart racing. Sometimes these little fights are legitimate but most of the time we create them in our heads. We jump to conclusions- OMG my girlfriend added some dude to Facebook they must be sleeping together- in reality it is her cousin. OMG I heard my name being whispered and that guy just rolled his eyes- in reality the guy with the lazy eye thinks you’re attractive. Ninety percent of disease is caused or complicated by stress. So in order to stay young and healthy stop stressing out over things you make up in your head.

We even create barriers in our mind to keep us from living an enjoyable life. OMG I can’t date that guy I like because he is friends with my dad’s new wife’s brother’s son that knows my ex and that would be too weird. Or I can’t go to Spain and be in a revealing speedo because I have a big, fat butt -in reality you are hot as hell and trust me girls love nice, curvy bums on guys.

So stop creating problems and barriers because they don’t exist. I am not just being ignorantly positive. Life gets real shitty sometimes but not as bad as we make it out to be. Moma thanks for sharing your life stories and home remedies with me because when I complain I know that in the scheme of things it is not that bad, and that the solution is something as simple as asparagus water.

Peace, peace, peace


NEXT WEEK! I talk about nice racks